Hey guys! I know I’ve been MIA for a while now… and tonight after getting off work, I’ve decided it’s time to poke my face back into the world of blogging. There’s really just one reason – because I’ve been reminded of how good God is, and I need a forum to explode my enthusiasm and gratitude into!
There’s a story behind the season of silence… The last few months have been hard to swallow. Not hard in the sense of tragedy or gut-wrenching despair. This “hard” is the slow, soul-killing mundanity that creeps into our lives, numbs us to joy and pain alike, and whispers distrust and frustration in a God who seems absent.
That is where I’ve been.
Every time I have to answer that question, “So what are you up to now, Jill?” I feel the expectation behind it, the unspoken words that my mind adds on, “You just traveled the world and served God on the mission field for a year! Surely He’s been telling you all kinds of things about His plans for your life. Surely you’re serving the homeless in downtown Portland, and leading Bible studies, and getting ready to move to Africa for the next decade…”
I reply, with an attempt at enthusiasm that instead sounds deflated and apologetic, “Well, I’m working as a barista at Starbucks!”
And then I can’t think of much else to say. Because much as I want to believe I’m making a difference, much as I’d like to echo the enthusiasm of friends who tell me that I’m “bringing kingdom to Starbucks!”, I feel like it’s going out on a precarious limb to venture such a claim. After all, I’m just little old me… kinda shy towards strangers, embarrassingly clueless about most of pop culture, and slightly OCD when it comes to completing tasks.
Somehow it just doesn’t seem like THAT is going to rock Starbucks and preclude a mass revival in Oregon City!
My laptop has “post-it notes” plastered all over the background, with inspiring little morsels of truth which, at one point, struck my fancy. I found this one in a newsletter from InterVarsity a few weeks ago: “Much of the secular culture dismisses thundering pronouncements of faith, but consistent God-centered actions are harder to ignore.” (Check out the article here).
I wanted so bad to understand those words, to slam that truth into my thick skull and flighty heart. I wanted to believe that my “consistent God-centered actions” at work are truly “hard to ignore.” At times, when I’m talking to myself instead of to the Mover of mountains, those words have seemed like quite a long-shot. It’s always been the BIG things – the revelatory moments, the mountain top experiences, the incredible conversations that end in tears and hugs and breakthrough – that I seek and build my theology around. I recognize God in those moments. I recognize God when I feel something powerful and intense and beautiful that blows me off my feet. But I fail to recognize Him in every LITTLE conversation, every little experience, and every little moment.
Yet He is SO present.
A subtle yet beautiful shift has been happening in my heart as this truth worms its way in deep, past the lies and failure and numbness. A couple friends (girls who also live in the world of baristas) have been fundamental in opening my eyes to see where I am standing. Every single workday, I interact with dozens of folks across a counter. I learn their names, their faces, and their drinks. Days pile on end, and I learn more – I get a glimpse into their lives. The moment each day when they are greeted and presented with that grande soy latte, tall black coffee, or venti iced tea, is a moment that has been anticipated all day long. But some are there for so much more – their thirst is not for a mouthwatering beverage, but for relationship, for human connection, for LOVE.
The homeless are here, in line alongside the 9 to 5 businessman, the intern at a local PT clinic, the stay-at-home mom, and teenage dating couple on summer vacation. There are unusually talkative and unusually quiet people, customers who linger to chat with my coworker about the Blazers, and others who are faithful as the sunrise but never say a word other than “grande dark”.
This is my mission field. It is incredible. I get giddy with excitement sometimes when I go to work… and though we all know that I love coffee, the high I get is not off caffeine. This is a whole ‘nother level – this “people high” of interacting with folks who wear the image of God. It’s the high of getting to see love in action touch someone’s heart and soften the weary scowl into a surprised smile. It’s the high of having someone share about their hectic day and express surprised gratitude when they discover a listening ear. It’s the high of realizing there is no way in the world my heart is big enough to love like this – and then it clicks, and I realize that the presence of Jesus really is invading Starbucks, invading peoples’ day and life even if they don’t recognize it yet.
And I laugh incredulously, cuz it sure isn’t me. All I do is show up and work my hardest, and somehow this beautiful light is shining through my frail flesh. I see the effects of the warm glow. I see the ice melting in the sunshine. I see hearts reaching out toward that warmth. It isn’t me. I just show up. And without fail, the Light that lives in me shows up too.
It truly is hard to ignore.
Hungry 